Growth

Am I scared or excited?

My journals always tell a story - the actual, physical notebook I write in always ends up with some symbolism.

And I just began a new one. It is a brown cardboard cover, with a hot pink speech bubble on the front. The speech bubble doesn’t have a word in it, instead it has blank lines, like it is waiting for a word to be filled in.

And I kept waiting for the word to come to me. What would go in that space?

There must be something, some theme that would arise for this journal like it had for all the others - previous ones had covers with things like a world map, another of space travel, and they all meant something significant to the life I documented inside them.

But this one was eluding me. 

And I realised it was the same with my ‘word for the year’. I normally pick a word as an intention or theme for the year, and it normally comes to me clearly before the previous year even ends. But this year, already into February, I’d had a few possibilities but none had really stuck.

And then I realised it.

I get to choose.

Not just once. Once for this year. Once for this journal. But always.

The word for my year, or the word for my journal can be ANYTHING I want it to be - any given day, any given moment, I can speak whatever I choose into life.

I get to choose. 

(Choose, ironically, fits into the space on the front of my journal perfectly...)

And then, this morning this question lands in my inbox:

Am I scared or excited?

This comes from the 100 Days journalling journey, which I created - but I’m signed up to it, to come into my inbox daily.

One, so I can check the formatting before it goes out to anyone else. But also because I walk what I talk and do my own journalling.

And this question couldn’t have arrived in my inbox at a better moment.

You might have been feeling it too lately, the full moon, the season, a lot of things being shaken and stirred up - and perhaps with some discomfort, with some doubt, with what feels like more than your fair share of challenges. Making you question if you’ve made any progress at all.

I’ve had that myself. Things seemingly out of my control, which had held so much promise, turning out completely differently to what I expected.

And we can go two ways with it - we can question ourselves and our vision, and doubt that we are on the right track at all. Or we can use it as an opportunity.

The second it harder. But it IS within our choice.

You get to choose how you feel. Just because it feels like fear, doesn’t mean it actually has to be.

Am I scared or excited?

What if, whenever I feel fear, I choose to feel it as excitement instead? Choose to feel it as anticipation, hope, the brink of breakthrough?

How would that change how I perceive what I fear?

Standing right on the edge of the new, do we choose to perceive that as fear of the unknown - or the thrill of a new adventure!?

Learning to fully allow what we feel is one thing - a very important step to accessing our true desires, to fully listening to ourselves, our souls.

But the freedom that comes with fully feeling and allowing is when we realise we actually get a choice.

We are not slaves to our feelings. 

They are here as messengers, and we can use them as opportunities to choose.

Am I scared of running out of money, OR am I excited about the opportunity to create more? To create wealth? To shift something bigger? To finally learn and grow in the ways that have been previously denied to me?

Am I scared of what people will think, OR am I excited about the chance to express myself, the challenge of making waves of change, of growing into an influencer and catalyst for growth in other people?

Am I scared or excited?

I get to choose.

And so do you.


100 days to live | jessierenee.com.au

If you'd like to be guided through this journalling journey too, with more prompts like this, find out more about the 100 Day journalling journey here.