Short answer: you make it happen.
You get good at fitting stuff in to more limited time. And you wonder what you even did with all your time before!
Having my first child was actually a catalyst for me realising what I actually wanted and not going on feeling like I was wasting my life.
Long answer - it is hard!
You wish for freedom sometimes, daydream about all you could be doing if you weren't a parent, even wonder if you did the right thing having kids. Some days feel like you are actually losing your mind.
But in the end, It is like any other aspect to life, you find a way to build your life with the limitations you do have, and you have to believe in your ability to create the lifestyle you want with all the things you do have influence over.
And having kids can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth like nothing else.
They push you to your limits, where you find more in yourself than you even knew you had before. They make you realise what is really important to you, and you really don't want to waste a minute of your precious time anymore.
I was even more motivated to thinking about who i want to be and what kind of world I want to build when I realise how my daughter is going to be watching me, and as I think about the kind of freedom I I want her to know.
The rest is figureoutable. There are very real limitations of course, especially early on and when your kids need you so much - no matter how equal your relationship, sometimes it just comes back to you as the mother and you have to sacrifice some things.
But at the same time, a lot of it is mindset, our own limiting beliefs, and what you believe is possible, just like anything else in life - so much more is in our power to influence and change and design and create on our terms, even with kids, if we only realised we had that power.
So many of the limitations have been imposed on us by a society that can't think outside the box. But we creative entrepreneurs don't buy that right! Our life is outside the box, breaking limits, life on our terms. We just need the vision to see that motherhood is no different.
I'm pregnant now with number 2, and I've done a lot of growing and work within myself to prepare for it, to never feel the isolation and powerlessness I did with my first. So many messages of what a mum should be, the way our dreams and soul purpose is pushed aside as irrelevant or selfish.
Never mind that in more tribal ways of living, mothers didn't do it alone like we are told we are meant to these days. It was shared, or grandmothers were present, and the mother - actually in the prime of her creative life, was more free to direct that energy where she wanted.
Though it is still a challenge, I know now I am able to change and create whatever I want, as I have already done it, even against huge opposition. And some hard choices when it came to people and situations that wanted to keep me small and didn't supoort my soul vision.
So I welcome this new baby now, when 5 years ago I would have said "never again!"
(While also practically preparing for some down time, as the physical recovery and bonding time is vital.)
And now that is a big part of what I am building my business around now, as i want no other mother to feel powerless against circumstance or the weight of others expectations ever again.
And being an entrepreneur, a mamapreneur, is such an empowering way to create that freedom lifestyle for yourself and your family.
That unique combination of family and soul business can be our superpower, not our obstacle.
And the more freedom you have to design your own life, create your own tribe (which can be family or can be hiring help!) the more you find a flow and style of parenting that actually makes a lot of what is though of as the downsides to kids almost dissolve away.
And though it's hard, it's a good kind of hard, one of those areas of friction and tension that actually stretches you to a growth and transformation so much quicker than might have happened otherwise.
And then the rest is that joy and enrichment of your life that kids are 'meant to be' but so many of us get left wondering why everyone lied to us about that.
Well, it is actually possible! With a lot more ease and less burnout that you think. And I'm passionate about helping others know it!
Even now as my daughter interrupts me every few minutes as a type this, but she just reminds me how motivated I am to build what I am building. That I will never settle for less than everything that is in me to express.
(I also don't think you *need* to have kids. Plenty of women feel that pressure, like they're selfish for not wanting to be a mother. The other side of the ridiculous expectations put on women.
Though I've said it's a massive catalyst for growth, if you're not feeling called to be a mother, you will have your own growth catalysts in different ways. And no woman should ever feel like she should do anything.
But for women who are already mothers, or who do want to be but wonder if it will mean giving up or delaying their dreams, I believe so strongly that it doesn't have to be like that.)
And just as I finished this my daughter came and gave me a little pot with a present inside. A little bottle of fairy dust.
Magic is everywhere.
You get to choose it.