One of the prompts in the 100 Days to Live journalling series is about playing devil’s advocate with yourself; taking some of the things you think you want but aren’t present yet, and thinking about “Why might I not want this?”
When I did this exercise, one of my wants was around money. And in thinking of reasons why I might not want the amount of money I thought I did, one of the biggest reasons that surfaced was - if I had money, then I wouldn’t have anything left to blame.
“I feel crappy and stressed and worried, but it’s because I don’t have enough money. If I had money, then everything would be fine all the time.”
But if I got money, and then still felt crappy? Well, I’d have to take responsibility for that.
We do this often - we think we want to remove an obstacle or barrier to our dreams, we want to achieve and receive all we desire.
And yet we are actually preventing ourselves from having, being or doing those things we supposedly want, because then we wouldn’t have anything left to blame.
I’d be happy if…. I’ll be happy when….
And so we keep it at arm's length, even while we say that we want it, because deep down we know, we know, it’s not that thing that’s really going to make everything perfect and wonderful all the time.
If we got what we wanted, and then we still weren’t happy? What would we blame then?
We’ll either go on to want something else out of reach and blame that for how we still feel - or we will hit the wall of realising that nothing, not even the best most amazing thing we want, is going to make life perfect - and then we are going to have to do something with that.
So what if we choose to do something with it now?
It’s not that you shouldn’t want the things you want. But if we recognise now that, whether or not we ever have those desires come into being, we are in control of how we feel. Always. Right now.
What if we get to choose now to feel good, to feel happy, to feel free, to feel abundant - regardless of anything else?
What if we recognise what we are blaming for our state of happiness and fulfilment, or lack-of, and take responsibility for that right now?
Two things are likely to happen:
- We feel good right now. We are not relying on some future event or circumstance to bring that feeling, we get to feel it right now.
- We stop holding what we want at arms length, because we no longer need to protect ourselves (our egos) from taking responsibility. We’ve already done it. The fear has lost its power. And that is when we are actually free to embrace and receive what we want for real.
It’s the beautiful, frustrating irony of getting what we want - so often we have to release any attachment to whether or not we actually get it before we free ourselves up to actually receive it!
But this is a good thing.
Because rarely is what we want - money, a relationship, recognition - simply about the thing itself, but about how we believe having that will make us feel. Free, at peace, accepted, fulfilled, purposeful.
We blame the lack of the thing we want for the lack of the feeling.
But if we recognise that those feelings are something we can choose and cultivate right now? That we don’t have to wait for something else to happen first…
Then isn’t that what we really want? To feel that freedom and purpose right now in this moment?
Then the other stuff we want, unshackled from the pressure of blame and responsibility, gets to freely flow in whatever way is actually best. It stops mattering so much anyway, because we already have what we truly want - that wholeness within ourselves.
We are free. We have purpose. We get to accept ourselves fully. Right now.
Then our other desires get to be just that - joyful, fun desires that flow from our free selves. All things that we can have or not have, it’s up to us then.
We don’t need something to blame. We don’t need something to pin all our hopes on. Because everything we really want and need is already available inside of us.
The rest becomes the joyful play of a life lived with full assurance that we are whole and have a purpose.
We are more than enough, right now.
It sometimes takes a little practice. Which is why I advocate journalling daily.
But you can start immediately and feel the shifts.
If you have wants that seem like they are ever out of reach, take a look now at why you might be protecting yourself from them, the ways you are using those things to avoid looking within. And set yourself free from that a little right now.
When we shine a light on the shadows of where we’ve been fearing to look, it almost always begins to dissipate far more easily than we imagined.